I'm bored sitting here waiting for liz to get home so i figured i might as well post an update. I just bought a pair of shorts today because they were on sale. they were size 36 (a size that i haven't been in a LONG time) i honestly thought they would be too small but i figured by the time i can wear them next summer i should be small enough to wear them. i just tried them on and they are falling off of me. i could easily fit into a 34 right now. i cannot remember the last time i wore a size 34 pants. i know it had to be in grade school. i think i was about a 36 in jr high. i'm quite proud of myself. i think i'm probably at about 230 pounds now. 2 years ago i was 360. i feel like a totally new person. i've lost enough weight to MAKE a new person. its crazy to think about. ever since i was little i always figured i'd have to be fat forever. i didn't think i really ate that much and the thought of exercise scared me. looking back now i cannot believe how much i actually did eat back then. it wasn't the meals that got me it was the constant snacking and sodas. i would probably drink at least a 12 pack a day. all i did to lose the weight was switch to diet drinks and cut out the snacking. i still eat at least 2 meals a day and good ones. none of that rabbit food or tofu. i switched from ground beef to ground turkey and i think that helped a lot too. cant tell a bit of difference in the taste though. oh well. enough about me losing weight.

Tomorrow they are filming a tv series on the street outside of where i work. its a new show called "the cashmere mafia". i think its supposed to be like the next sex in the city or something. it has lucy liu in it and a girl from the lord of the rings (not liv tyler). its also got mariska hargitay's husband in it. hopefully i will get to see plenty of famous people. i'm kind of excited about it. it will be neat.

well that's about all i've got to talk about so until next time "goodnight and good luck"

The other day at work i was minding my own business, trying not to stare at the old couple making out outside the store, and all of the sudden the old man goes into a seizure. as soon as he went down i ran to the front desk and told them to call 911. when i got back there was a slight crowd around the guy and he was still laying there on his back twitching. he had bitten his tongue pretty bad and his mouth was full of blood. i could see that he was blowing blood bubbles and obviously couldn't breath though all of it but nobody even made an attempt to roll him on his side or anything. the whole crowd was just standing there watching his choke to death. i yelled for everyone to get the hell out of my way and rolled him over myself. i held him there until the paramedics came. it was a hell of an interesting day. you know what the manager said to me after it was all said and done? "don't tell my boss about this because if she knew you left the store without permission we could both get in trouble."

It feels weird but New York really is starting to feel like home to me. I still miss Madison and everyone in it but when we got back to the apartment last night i felt the relief of finally being home again. They say it only takes a few months to become a real New Yorker and i guess they are right.
The time we were in Madison seemed to fly by though. I meant to visit with so many people but didn't get the chance to. For anyone i didn't see i apologize but don't feel left out, you're not alone. We're going to try to make another visit sometime this summer hopefully.
Now i have to go to work so i'm cutting this short.

My Personality

Neuroticism	89
Extraversion	0
Openness To Experience	37
Agreeableness	60
Conscientiousness	65

fun rabbits

Date:	2006-08-28 16:13
Subject:	Yay drug tests
Security:	Public
Mood:	worried

Well i took my drug test today. i wont know the results until wednesday. i guess making you wait is their way of punishing you for being worried about the results. if i don't pass i'm not sure what i'm going to do. i'm running out of options. this is the best job i could have ever hoped to get. i will/would be making a lot of money doing something i enjoy. its the best situation i could have ever hoped for and it could be pulled out from under me at any moment. its scary.

Date:	2006-08-24 10:46
Subject:	It's been a while since i've updated
Security:	Public
Mood:	hopeful

It's been a while since i've updated si i figured i might as well do it. I love it here in new york but i'm starting to get worried about getting a job. It seems i'm not quite smart enough to work at chuck-e-cheese, i dont know enough about guitars to work at guitar center, i'm not experienced enough to work as a freakin bus boy, and i am not bi-lingual so that rules me out of just about everything else. Other than now i have not had more than 4 days straight off of work (not including vacations and surgery's) since one month and 3 days after i turned 16. I'm getting stir crazy. I hate not having a job, i feel useless. i walked around for about and hour and a half yesterday after i bombed my interview just looking for places with help wanted signs. the two that i actually found wouldn't hire me. One was because i didnt speak japanese and the other was because i had no experience busing tables. when i got home i applied for a few places over the internet then proceeded to making a fool of myself. i chugged about a third of a one liter bottle of palo viejo 80 proof rum and embarrassed myself from about 6:30 till midnight. I will spare you the details because i cannot remember them myself. I'm feeling much better today, still a little queasy but i'm confident that if i keep trying i can find a job. well i gotta go. i'm meeting elizabeth for lunch.

Date:	2006-06-10 13:28
Subject:	random thoughts
Security:	Public
Mood:	exhausted

bored.... very bored. its saturday and i am so bored that i am counting down the seconds until i go to work. i really want a cigarette.......... but i quit, hopefully. i've made quite a few positive changes in my life lately. i am eating healthy, exercising, i quit smoking, i'm off my pills, and i'm really happy with the way things are going. this seems like one of the happiest times in my life. everything is amazingly perfect to the point that it is scary.

i dont want to go to work.... its saturday i shouldnt have to

Date:	2006-05-28 09:19
Subject:	Bored in the morning
Security:	Public
Mood:	sadly

Ahh its too early to be awake, but i can't go back to sleep!!!!
Sweet, someone just called about the trailer. they are coming over to look at it because they are "very interested". thats a good sign. i dont really want to move for a while but i guess if i can sell it now i better go ahead and do it. it will save me a lot of money. woo hoo though. i'm happy someone is interested. i have gotten about 20 calls on it but no one interested enough to actually come look at it yet. its a step in the right direction. i gotta clean this shit hole up though. its pretty messy. not a good way to impress a potential buyer. better clean out the litter box too...wheew...stinky kitty.

I wish it was like noon so i wasnt the only one awake. i think christian is up because she just signed on... i'll have to find out... woo hoo she is, now i'm not 100% bored off my ass.

Date:	2006-05-25 11:19
Subject:	Woo hoo its payday
Security:	Public
Mood:	happy

Every other thursday is always fun because for 24 hours i will have a lot of money. the nex day it all gets spent on bills, but for thursday i have cash and it makes me feel important. 'I just did the math and i think i can afford all my junk with this paycheck! thats awesome. I have to go into work early today... fuck work, and fuck going in early. i'm over that place.
on a lighter note, i'm still happy. i have not had an unhappy day in weeks. it is seriously amazing. i'm in a daze. it seems like every time something good happens in my life something equally bad happens so i'm bracing myself for the bad but maybe it wont come. maybe this is the payment for all the bad that has happened in the last 4-5 years. i hope so.
oh well, gotta go to work

Date:	2006-05-24 13:39
Subject:	hehe, i am the devil
Security:	Public
Mood:	ecstatic

You Are 96% Evil

You're the most evil person you know. The devil is even a little scared of you!

Date:	2006-05-20 12:19
Subject:	decisions..
Security:	Public
Mood:	contemplative

the rolling stones had it right. "you can't always get what you want" there are so many things i want to do with my life in the next few years but i cant because of bad decisions in the past. if only i hadn't dont this or this or if i could do that.. but i did and i cant. i'll have to learn to lived with that no matter how hard it is. i've lived my own life and i will have to live with the concequences. there are still a few ways out of most of my monetary obligations. gonna work on that monday. i know i'm being vague, but live with it.

on a better note this weekend is going really well so far. i'm glad i took 1/2 a personal day yesterday. it would be awesome if i didnt have to work the full 8 hours today. maybe mark will let me go home.

i've been this big pile of sappy cliche (that normally i would make fun of) for the past week and its enjoyable... i'm pathetic..

Date:	2006-05-18 13:59
Subject:	yay i really am atheist
Security:	Public
Mood:	anxious

The belief-o-matic says that these beliefs are closest to me. the %'s ar ehow close they are.

1. Secular Humanism (100%)
2. Unitarian Universalism (99%)
3. Liberal Quakers (84%)
4. Nontheist (80%)
5. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (77%)
6. Theravada Buddhism (76%)
7. Neo-Pagan (60%)
8. New Age (46%)
9. Taoism (46%)
10. Bahá'í Faith (43%)
11. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (40%)
12. Mahayana Buddhism (37%)
13. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (36%)
14. Orthodox Quaker (32%)
15. Reform Judaism (32%)
16. Jehovah's Witness (30%)
17. New Thought (30%)
18. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (26%)
19. Scientology (22%)
20. Jainism (20%)
21. Sikhism (19%)
22. Hinduism (12%)
23. Seventh Day Adventist (11%)
24. Eastern Orthodox (6%)
25. Islam (6%)
26. Orthodox Judaism (6%)
27. Roman Catholic (6%)



farthest down the list is roman catholic.... i'm not getting raped. woo hooo

i cannot wait until i get home from work

Date:	2006-05-17 14:08
Subject:	stupid actions
Security:	Public
Mood:	happy

i've been thinking about some of the stupid/dangerous things i have done in my life. i have quite a few. most include some sort of explosive (ether, propane, oxygen, acetaline) and a potato. we drug a couch down the road behind my truck once. we had about 5 people sitting on it at about 30 mph. it was pretty cool until it cough fire. i've covered my arm in ether and set it on fire once....stupid.. minor burns tho.
me and baker paintballed jim hadleys once.. that was pretty stupid. we were lucky we didnt get arrested. quite a few marijuana related storys with baker. no recent ones tho... i quit that. uhh yeah.. we used to steal a napkin dispenser from everywhere we ate at when we were high. one night we had them all in the back of my car so we threw them all in the back of some guys truck when we stopped at a stop light. he was pretty pissed but he was no match for the camaro and my superb driving skills.
thats pretty much all the stupid things i care to mention. there are more but either you know about them or you dont, thats the way it will stay.

oh yeah, the stupidest thing i have done thus far... this one time i got MARRIED

Date:	2006-05-17 12:30
Subject:	corny old songs are great
Security:	Public
Mood:	anxious

been sitting here most fo the morning thinking of corny old songs i used to listen to. trying to download as many as possible. i found the theme song for walker texas ranger on morpheus. by the way, if you havnt checked these out yet you should. proof that chuck norris is god. http://4q.cc/index.php?pid=top100&person=chuck
i got like 20 seconds of this tesla song down pat. i think thats about as far as i'm gonna get because after that it gets complicated. playing guitar is hard. i think i'm gonna tune down to drop d and play some old seventh story songs. before they sucked. when i was in it and it was cool.
my posts are getting boring. i never have anything new to say.
my tattoo is healing nicely. i got a good scab and it itches like hell. its driving me nuts to have a scab i cant pick at.
i'm ready for this weekend. or the end of this week at least. it cannot come soon enough.

Date:	2006-05-17 02:12
Subject:	happy days
Security:	Public
Mood:	naughty

Im in a good mood tonight. i've been in a good mood alot lately and as martha stuart says "its a good thing". i feel like moshing......but i dont think i could get a good pit going in my computer room. oh well, later days. i'm thinking about goin to the warped tour this year. maybe i can find a moshpit there. i doubt it tho, mostly emo bands and small lable punk bands. zebrahead might get one going but you never know.
well i'm out of things to say so i guess i'll end this.

Date:	2006-05-16 11:54
Subject:	i'm an idiot
Security:	Public
Mood:	sleepy

For the past 3 days margaret has been calling at least once a day begging me to give her her car back. it was getting annoying. she actually called me at work last night. finally i gave in. mainly so she would shut up. i didnt just give it to her though. i told her she had to give me $200 every other thursday. i also told her that if she missed a payment i would report the car stolen. i kinda hope she misses a payment. also i didnt give her the buick. she's paying enough for the buick payment but she gets the monte carlo. i feel stupid and gullible but at least i'll get some of her money rather than try to pay everything myself.

Date:	2006-05-15 09:52
Subject:	mondays suck
Security:	Public
Mood:	happy

mondays really suck. especially when you get up at 8 in the morning, do whatever it is you have to do, then cant go back to sleep. its now 9:54 and i have nothing to do at all until 12:30 and no one is online. boo hoo, cry for me. this is going to be a really long week. it seems like this morning has been a week long i cant imagine how long this week is going to seem.
i too have been quite the happy camper lately. its nice to really be happy again instead of just fine with the way things are. change scares the hell out of me but it shouldnt. the recent changes in my life have been nothing but good. great actually. it took me about a week to really figure that out but its the truth. drama is no fun but shortly that will all be over with.
soo tired, need to go back to sleep....

For the past 4-5 years i have lived my life trying to please others.. not saying i did a good job at all but thats what i've tried to do. i never really sat back and tried to enjoy life myself. all that is going to change. i'm not saying that i'm going to just disregard everyone else's feelings as long as i'm happy but that i'm going to see to it that i'm happy. i'm quite happy now. so far its always been "you need a car? here let me sign for you" or "cant pay your phone bill? heres a hundred bucks" thats over. it never gets you anywhere but in the hole. my main problem in life is finances. i'm not worried about that at all anymore. bills will get paid when they get paid. thats about it. i'm not going to sink every last dime i have into bills and not leave myself anything to just have fun with. i've worked 6 days a week for the last 4 years and i have very few really good experiences to show for it. work be damned i'm going to enjoy myself. i've missed out on alot of things because i tried to grow up too fast. i'm 22 years old and i have never been to a bar. thats sad. hopefully that will change tomorrow. i'm just going to go out and get pierced and tattooed and whatever else i decide to do no matter what anyone else thinks about it. it time to live life for me.
thats about all i have to say about that
sorry for wasting your time (but its your fault anyway, no one asked you to read this)